Take me to the beach !
1. Science is done in a coat. So you will need one of those. If you are doing evil science you will probably be meddling with the fabric, so your coat can have things on, like stains and legs and holes into space. Good science requires a coat which is clean, white and that somebody has used an iron on. If you do not have an iron or the inclination to use one then your only option is evil science, sorry. This is just one of the many barriers to Science.
2. Top Sciencers have stuff that goes through tubes and also bubbles. Your stuff will need to be in a range of primary colours. Observe it through your glasses but not too closely, you can make measurements with your eyes because you are a Sciencer. Also because occasionally your things will blow up the building, but not if those kids get there first.
3. But not all Science is done in a coat. Some of it is done in a brain. It is harder to purchase a brain than a coat but Sciencers are people of great ingenuity and will probably find a way. If you are this sort of Sciencer, you will need to write equations on things. Walls, windows and cake are all examples of things.
4. Have you sewed a head onto a body? It’s not rocket science. This is a mistake that too many people make. In fact it is the reason that the International Space Station has to have extra shielding. However if you can sew on a head without blasting it into space then you have probably made it in Science, well done.
5. Alternatively, you can follow a quirkier path. For example, try having a vole in a trap or maybe something else that explodes that is not a primary colour or a vole. You cannot Science unless something is at least a little bit explodey. Or at least you can try, but your Science will have no piquancy or zing.
6. Modern Science requires public presence and engagement with the general brain-soup. If you have a vole and it has not yet detonated then it can do tweeting for you. Otherwise, try holding the world to ransom with a technology doomsday device. This should bring attention to your chosen field.
7. Alternatively, try saving the world. This option will probably require ironing, however.